i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
