butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
