Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
