dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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