We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize