It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
