I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
