The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
