I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
