Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
