Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
