I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
