I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Im part way to drunk.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
