he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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