We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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