just survived the first fart of the relationship.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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