idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
