If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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