I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize