I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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