That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
