I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
