oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
