New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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