I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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