turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
