When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
