my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
