ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
