Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
