I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
