I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
