the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize