I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
