Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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