His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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