Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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