My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
