I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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