You just made me feel so damn special
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
