He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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