Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize