he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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