i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize