it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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