dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just pee around me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We need to get me chipped asap
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