as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
