So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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