I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
