Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
