I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
we're so committed to being not committed
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
