My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
