i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
