I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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