I seem to have left my pride at pride
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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