you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
