david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
