I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
