i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
