Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
