what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
