I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
