i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
